there are three books by victor hanson that you should have abstracted by your vice president, who has read them: "an autumn of War: what america learned from september 11 and the war on terrorism", a collection of articles written for national review online, is a vindication of your mideast policies; "The soul of battle: from ancient times to the present day, how three great liberators vanquished tyranny". will perhaps include another great liberator in a new edition; at any rate, you will recognize your- self as kin to the heroes depicted and hopefully to the author and his message in his other great work, "the other greeks: the family farm and the agrarian roots of western civilization".

his thesis is that the foundations of western culture--freedom, civic militarism, capitalism, individualism, constitutional government, and secular rationalism--were spawned by the militant hoplite farmers, armed to the teeth, protecting their turf (and conversely was lost eventually, due to the corruptions spawned by global trade, in the subsequent excesses of the alexandrian and roman empires).

sound familiar? That's you up there now on the throne of empire. People need reassurance. advocate a return to the roots of democracy: the yeoman family farmer with his rifle and rural village that jefferson envisaged.

stage it in the context of the war on drugs and homeland security. a self-sufficient inner core cadre of good old boys riding around in their hyper-s.u.v.'s, protecting their solar stills with gulf two technology.

put colin in charge of recruiting in the high crime areas. selective screening will leave only criminals in these slums, who can be exterminated with the rest of the rats.