As someday it may happen that a victim must be found,
I've got a little list — I've got a little list
Of society offenders who might well be underground,
And who never would be missed — who never would be missed
There's the fellow seated next to you who's nodding off to sleep;
All those unwrapping candy, or whose pockets start to beep.
The nincompoop who memorizes every single song
And thinks it's more amusing if he tries to hum along!
It's people who behave like that who really get me pissed
I don't think THEY'D be missed. I'm SURE they'd not be missed.

The customer complaining that his trousers never fit
I've got him on the list — I've got him on the list
You gained a hundred fifty pounds, you think that could be it?
He never would be missed! He never would be missed!

And the man who called this morning with a product very new:
A textured vinyl siding which is better than bamboo!
And that teahouse on the corner with its noisy new machine —
They handed me a "Grandé" — now what's THAT supposed to mean?
And those samurai who threaten to filet you if they're dissed.
I've got THEM on the list. I don't think THEY'D be missed.

Those idiots from Hollywood who come to film their scripts
I've got them on the list...I've got them on the list...
[OFFSTAGE] The words you hear us speaking never EVER match our lips!
They never would be missed...They never would be missed...

And Americans with chopsticks, eating sushi on their knees
As if anybody watching them would think THEY'RE Japanese!
And, oh, to see their faces when our secret is revealed —
We're slowly taking over and we're starting with right field!
So it really doesn't matter whom you put upon the list ...
So it really doesn't matter whom you put upon the list ...

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